“The way you handle a break up has everything to do with you, NOT the other person. ”
The ideal and quite possibly the preferred way to end a relationship is for both people to mutually agree it is time to go their separate ways and loving let each other go. However, the reality is oftentimes one person no longer wants to be in the relationship (for any number of reasons) and by the time he/she brings their breakup decision to you, they have already emotionally disconnected from you and informing you is the last step a formality of sorts. It’s important to know that when someone ends a relationship with you it is about them; where they are in their life and what they need and it may no longer be you. This is difficult to hear, read and more importantly accept, but it is the truth. You cannot control it nor change their mind. But the way YOU handle the breakup is ALL ABOUT YOU and can serve as a spring board to propel you forward or a weight keeping you stuck.
Yes, it sucks when someone no longer wants to be with you and truthfully their reason does not make the heartache any easier. Everyone is on their own journey and as such it is possible the space (direction/destination) and pace (the speed) changes. Although I do not know the specifics of why your relationship ended, I do know the following:
- Your BEST life is NOT connected to someone who no longer wants to be with you.
- He or she is not the end all be all, there is more love available to you.
- Stalking (cyber or in real life), hacking, begging, pleading, manipulating, threatening, etc. does NOT make you desirable nor will it change their mind. Instead it only provides another reason confirming why breaking up with you was the right decision.
- Your EX cannot help you process.
There is a detox period after a break up, with withdrawal like symptoms and similar to any other detox; you must go through the discomfort. Self-medicating offers temporary relief but prolongs your healing.
Each relationship ending offers the unique opportunity to learn more about self, what works and does not work for you. It allows you become clear/focused on the type of experiences you desire.
Endings are required for beginnings.
Whatever you believe about yourself is 100% true for you. If you engage in negative self talk (i.e. I’m not good enough, worthy, attractive, smart, etc. I am too big, too small, I will never find love again, no one will love me, etc.) then you are absolutely right! Change your internal dialogue to change your life.
What and whoever is for you is for you and you will NOT need to campaign, finagle nor change who you are to fit into a box. Shift your perspective and you will begin to recognize the lessons and opportunities to grow, becoming a better version of you. – Misha N. Granado