When a relationship ends whether it was due to death, divorce, irreconcilable differences or if the other person no longer wanted to be with you; it is common to become filled with questions and the elusive ‘what ifs’
- What if I were more of A.
- What if I were less of B.
- What if I did more of C.
- What if I did less of D.
- What if we did E.
- What if we did not do F.
- What if….
The ‘What if’ rabbit hole is deep and there is no bottom. Whenever we slip down or willingly enter into the ‘what if’ rabbit hole what we are doing is taking one aspect of the whole (relationship) and creating a new, different and very inaccurate story where we often cast ourselves as the antagonist.
Relationships end for various reasons, including reasons you may not believe should have ended the relationship and even sometimes reasons where one or both parties are unaware of at a conscious level but at the heart level know it is time to part ways. Endings become painful, traumatic, dramatic and result in emotional blocks when we do not accept the change that is happening. Yes, it is okay and quite healthy to mourn the loss of a relationship (a therapist is a great resource to obtain); but it is unhealthy to erroneously believe you are less than, not worthy, or to tie your life, livelihood, health (on all levels) and/or wellbeing to a particular relationship.
At Love Grows we do not subscribe to the popular adage: You complete me. You are my better half. Two halves make a whole.
God (or whatever name you use to reference a higher being/consciousness) did not create you partially. Your life journey is an adventure, but not one where you have to ‘find the pieces of you’ within someone else.
You are whole. You are complete. You are love. Love dwells within you.
If a relationship ends, honor what it was and how it enriched your life by lovingly letting it and the person go. All relationships are merely an opportunity for each of us to learn more about self and love. Love does not force nor manipulate, control, deceive, beg or hold anyone against their will (this includes emotionally and mentally). Love does not turn on itself (the what ifs) nor does it erroneously believe there is only one path to living your best life.
When a relationship ends, it is imperative you remind yourself that you are whole, complete and worthy. Post these reminder all around you. Surround yourself with loved ones who know this and will remind you of it until you remember. Seek a therapist who will help you heal, remove emotional blocks and help you find your way out of the rabbit hole. This is only an experience on your life journey and no one experience determines who you are or the trajectory of your life (unless YOU CHOOSE to allow it to). The choice is always yours. – Misha N. Granado, MPH, MS