Misha's Minute: The Gift of Being Present

Many of us take life for granted because we consciously or subconsciously believe we will always have time. We wake up each morning and take it for granted which is evident by:

• The way we greet the day
• Treat others
• We complain about having to get up and go to work, school, etc.

We pick up our gadgets before acknowledging God,/love, our significant other (the one we SAY we love and in some cases prayed for; and for the ones who are married, the one we promised God and all those witnesses that we would love and honor), the children we prayed for and in some cases had challenges conceiving.

We allow work, social media, emotional wounds, etc. consume our minds, heart and body that we are like mere shells moving through the most amazing gift we could ever have…LIFE.

We are never present, always living in the past or the future. Regretting or longing for what was or we believe should’ve been and dreaming and anticipating the future. But why, because when that long sought out ‘future’ arrives, it becomes the present and look at how we treat the present.

Every time you give your attention and energy to something other than the person (i.e. spouse, child, friend, family, etc.) who is in front of you trying to share and include you into their world you are conveying to them:

You are not as important as….

I am not interested in what you have to say.

I am not present.

I am partially ignoring you.

…and over time, these individuals will stop sharing and including you and you will not even notice because you are not present. It is not until you become present will you feel the absence of others. Life is not guaranteed. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Stop walking through life as if you will always have an opportunity to connect, love, correct, apologize, appreciate, grow, nurture, hold, kiss, make love, speak, etc.

Life is a gift.

The only guarantee is the present moment.

Stop wasting it.

Stop taking it for granted.

According to the most recent research an estimated 6,775 people die each day. I am sure the majority of them did not when there last day was going to be. If there is ANYTHING keeping you from being present, giving and receiving love then REMOVE it! Do your work! Obtain a therapist to heal your emotional wounds which will shift your perspective and make room in your heart and mind. – Misha N. Granado, MPH, MS

Dating To Do List: Single Ladies' Edition

Women, when it comes to relationships are you making it more complicated than it needs to be? Are you spending a great amount of time and energy trying to analyze his behavior (or lack thereof)? Are you spending hours facilitating and drawing intricate maps on the dry erase board with your girlfriends trying to decipher and break down his actions.

• Perhaps he was wounded in childhood.
• Maybe his heart was broken during his teenage years and he has never learned how to trust or love again.
• He did mention being busy at work, maybe he is stressed at the job and is just too tired to respond or contact me.

OR going through bottles of wine with your girlfriends questioning who you are and/or your behavior:

• Did I offend him?
• Am I too….glam, loud, quiet, #creative, ambitious, picky, demanding, opinionated, popular…
• Did I come on too strong or not strong enough?
• Perchance he is intimidated by me and/or my #success.
• Do I need to pursue him, really put myself out there and let him know I am interested?

DROP THE DRY ERASE MARKERS AND BACK AWAY FROM THE BOARD! PUT THE BOTTLE AND GLASSES OF WINE DOWN! STOP HOLDING YOUR GIRLFRIENDS HOSTAGE WITH YOUR INCESSANT ANALYSIS OF HIM!

Men are not that complicated. If he is interested you will not have a doubt. He will make his intentions very clear. Regardless of his childhood wounds, broken heart in middle school, demands of his career HE WILL CALL YOU AND PLAN DATES IF AND ONLY IF he is truly interested. Men do not play hard to get. Men do not need to be convinced. If he is intrigued, his words AND behaviors will clearly convey this to you.

You are NOT at the mercy of him and his interest. You do not need closure, a summary report or a debriefing call as to why he is not interested or why he disappeared or why he is ignoring your calls/texts/emails, etc. His behavior or lack thereof is clearly communicating everything you need to know. The why is not important, only the what and the what is that he is not interested….who cares about the reason.

Give thanks that he did not try to ‘sell a dream to you.’

You have the authority to make the decisions in your life, if you are not having the type of experience you desire in the romantic space, then walk away.

He is not your guy and that is okay. Free up the space which creates room for the man who WANTS to chat with you, WANTS to spend time with you and schedules dates to ensure this happens. Free up space for the man who LIKES who you are just as you are and thinks you are dope! Go where you are celebrated. – Misha N. Granado, MPH, MS 

Misha's Minute: Dating Differently

Love Grows Dating Tip - The 'butterflies in the tummy' feeling is super sweet but NOT enough to ensure a healthy relationship. I encourage you to turn off the television, disconnect from your gadgets and begin observing and having real #conversations with the person you are dating.

💥Observe💥

• What are the norms, communication style, power dynamics, etc of their family?
• How do the members of their family use their voice (kind, respectful, combative, accusatory, disrespectful, rude, loving, etc)?
• Does your S/O have a voice in their family and if so, how do they  use it?
• What are the boundaries and are you comfortable with them?

If they have not established healthy boundaries between self and their family, this individual is not capable of:

1. supporting the boundaries you are trying to establish with their family nor are they able
2. to provide a unified front as it pertains to their family.

This results in the outside person (you) having to 'defend' yourself with their family, causing resentment, anger, and tension in your romantic space.

Normal does not equate healthy. Begin having real conversations today. - Misha N. Granado, MPH, MS