Solar Love

Similar to the sun, the love I have for self is not influenced, impacted or requires action from another. My love dwells within. I am responsible for my well-being on all levels, a responsibility of the utmost importance. I know it is ONLY when I love self can I recognize, receive, and reciprocate love in return.

Encouraging you to become a light source, is one of the ways we grow love by helping our clients identify, recognize and heal their emotional wounds. To nurture a healthy relationship with self which allows you to fully show up in the world, recognize other people’s ‘emotional muck’ and (1) to not allow them to dump it on you, (2) erroneously believe it is yours, (3) or internalize it. Becoming your own light source allows you to illuminate your heart and mind, no longer making decisions from a place of darkness (i.e. jealousy, envy, judgment, anger, confusion, manipulation, etc).

Investing in your emotional health is one of the best investments to make because of the dividends it returns:

• healthy relationships
• confidence
• peace
• happiness
• emotional maturity
• trusting your intuition
• different perspectives
• operating from heart space more
• higher energy frequency, etc.

There is another way, however sustainable change requires internal work. Let’s brighten your light together. – Misha N. Granado, MPH, MS

The Intricate Root System of Emotional Wounds

Emotional wounds are similar to an intricate root system tangled together internally with various branches extending externally. Oftentimes people have varying degrees of unawareness. Some are oblivious to the emotional wound and as a result spend a great amount of energy blaming, fighting, arguing, judging, causing/engaging in chaos and/or reacting to various stimuli without knowing the reason. They are only aware of their pain, anger, rage, sadness, etc. and blame the external entity, not realizing the external has touched something internal.

Others may be aware of the emotional wound, but erroneously believe the ‘branch’ is an isolated issue, therefore they believe if they remove (or avoid) the branch (i.e. person, avoid a particular group, try to control every aspect of their life, do not trust anyone, etc.) the heartache/pain will no longer exist. Unfortunately, they are unaware of the intricate root system and that the branch is merely a symptom and the root is wrapped around other emotional areas.

If you are unaware of your emotional wounds and the root causes you do not know your triggers and you cannot adequately convey these triggers to others. Nor are you able to sustainably heal the wound. As a result, people unintentionally hurt each other which results in exacerbating wounds, creating unhealthy relationship dynamics, compromises emotional safety and trust and in some cases destroys the the relationship.

When emotional wounds are involved, the mere passing of time is not a sufficient or sustainable method for healing. Your mental, emotional, physical, spiritual bodies are connected, therefore the intricate root system of the emotional wounds permeate every sector of your being whether you are conscious of it or not.

Love Grows is not a quick fix. We do not provide band-aide approaches to your healing. Identifying and removing the roots require you to make an investment. Root systems are very intricate and in many cases cannot be merely plucked. Love Grows is an investment in YOU and YOUR emotional health is worth the investment. It is a new month, are you ready to try something different? We are now accepting new clients and would be honored to accompany you on this part of your journey. – Misha N. Granado, MPH, MS

Dating Tip 6/6: Introduction

This dating series of love tips resulted from a discussion I recently had with college women who had various questions about dating which included where to meet eligible men. In other cultures, introductions are often utilized to connect people by people who know the individuals quite well. I am not sure why this practice is not used more often in our society. Within our social circles, we have great platonic friends who may be an awesome match for each other, however they have not met. This is where you can serve as a bridge and facilitate an introduction.

Perhaps the introduction can occur in a non-threatening way such as hosting a causal mixer at your house. Maybe everyone in your social circle can invite their single, platonic friends (equal number of men and women) and take the time to introduce them to the other guests. At Love Grows, we recommend true platonic friends (not exes) for the introductions to avoid uncomfortable spaces. However, it is possible for individuals to be emotionally mature as it pertains to their ex such that they are open and willing to facilitate an introduction. Of course this is ONLY possible if BOTH parties have truly closed the door on their #romantic space and have no desire to #reconnect.

There is also a sense of accountability when you introduce friends based on their friendship with you. Individuals may tend to take these spaces a bit more serious and or be more honest (i.e. not play mental-emotional games, not stringing him/her along, etc) because they do not want to risk ruining their friendship with you by treating your friend in a disrespectful, unkind manner. This sense of accountability, is similar to the accountability experienced in other cultures when family members serve as matchmakers.

Your role is to only make the introduction, you are not responsible for or is it healthy for you to become too involved in what transpires after the introduction. They are adults, respect their space. Allow them to move at their own pace. Do not pressure either side. If both or one decides there is no interest, chemistry or compatibility, that is okay. However, it is also quite possible unbeknownst to any of the parties involved, this simple introduction can be the beginning of a big love story and what an awesome toast you will be able to make at their wedding. All relationships begin with an introduction and you never know how the story will unfold. – Misha N. Granado, MPH, MS

Dating Tip 5/6: Be Open

Are you missing out on a potential great match because your list of ‘must have qualifications’ for you to EVEN CONSIDER accepting a Meet and Greet from a potential prospect is so narrow and specific that no one or perhaps only your Ex qualifies?

When you have not invested the time to heal your emotional wounds usually what happens is instead of learning and growing from your past experiences you become extremely controlling in attempts to avoid future heartache. As a result, you may:

• Say ‘No’ with lightning speed
• Create long lists of must haves
• Are distrusting which gives the air of being elite and non-approachable
• Interrogate potential prospects looking for the ‘Gotcha!’ to justify your ‘emotional walls’
• Expect an external entity to be responsible for your happiness, love, etc. instead of someone to expand it because it already dwells inside
• Make general broad statements about an entire group, based on your experience with a limited few 

When you do your work you discover a few things:

• You trust yourself to make the best decisions for you which empowers you and reduces the fear of being taken advantage of because you know you have the autonomy to walk away at any moment when a space is not healthy
• Everyone is on their own journey and oftentimes their poor behavior is not intentional but they have not done their work hence are emotionally immature
• You are responsible for your health and wellbeing on ALL levels
• You cannot force or fast track love, chemistry or compatibility
• There is a rhythm, ebb and flow to life and love and you are more aligned with them
• Your perspective changes as well as what you value and prioritize

At Love Grows we are advocates of doing your emotional work because a ‘healthy me space’ is vital for a ‘healthy we space’ and a healthy me space totally transforms your dating life. From a space of being emotionally healthy and mature you become open to meeting and dating the person who compliments you and you them. Your focus is now on quality and intangible qualities which may result in your big love presenting in a package that is different than the original image in your head. Perhaps your big love is a divorcee, has a child from a previous relationship, of a different race/nationality, slightly older or younger, slightly taller or shorter, etc. – Misha N. Granado, MPH, MS

Conversation Not Interrogation

Meet and Greets are an opportunity to get to know each other but should not feel like an interview or interrogation. Conversation is an Art and when done correctly, is filled with various rhythms which feel like a beautiful, energetic verbal #dance.

A conversation can feel like and interrogation when you bombard someone with a series of pre-defined questions. For the recipient it does not feel welcoming and can be quite off putting or even feel as if you are LOOKING for a reason to discredit him/her or to find proof to justify your preconceived notions.

Meeting someone new provides an opportunity to converse about a wide range of topics because you two do not know each other. You do not have enough information to draw an accurate conclusion about each other. You cannot fast track chemistry or compatibility regardless of how many questions you ask or how many hours you spend together.

A Meet and Greet/Date is just that, nothing more. It is not a commitment, marriage proposal or declaration of exclusivity.

It is an opportunity to have great conversation, plenty of laughter, learn something new and to share a space. Sometimes we are so much in our heads evaluating each other, comparing and contrasting them to our ‘ideal’ (or in some cases our exes) that our vision is obstructed. We project all of ‘this’ onto the other person which is unfair and may result in drawing erroneous conclusions.

Slow down.

Get out of your head.

Drop into your #heart space.

Be Present.

Trust yourself.

Do you know The Art of Conversation? Do you know the sensitive balance between speaking and listening? Do you utilize or avoid The 3Cs, which are to attempt to convince, convert or condemn someone into agreeing with you? Do you know how to flow? 

If not, we are here and offer this art as one of our tools to add in your relationship toolkit. Schedule your sessions today, we are accepting new clients. This Art is applicable to ALL of your relationships, not just romantic. – Misha N. Granado, MPH, MS