Misha's Minute: The Purpose of Relationships

Relationships are opportunities to learn more about yourself.

• Are you a connoisseur of you?
• Do you know your emotional triggers?
• Do you know the source of your emotional wounds?
• Have you healed your emotional wounds?
• Do you know what you need when you are angry, sad, frustrated, scared, in a panic, etc?
• Do you know your communication style?
• Do you know which qualities and characteristics EXPAND and CONSTRICT your #happiness and highest good?
• Do you know your love language and the love language which compliments you best?

Do you know the role YOU played in ALL of your previous relationships which ended (accountability, responsibility)? It is NOT always the other person and IF it is it is still YOU because YOU continue to choose the same type of people.

If you do not know the answers to all of these questions (and so many more) then you have not learned from your relationships nor are you fully aware of self. .

ABSOLUTELY EVERY relationship (romantic, business, familial, platonic, friendships, etc) are opportunities to learn more about self. We are ALL teachers and students in these relationships. You are the common denominator is ALL of your relationships.

This is what we do at Love Grows we help you understand your patterns, identify your emotional wounds, help you heal them and to become more aware of who you are which allows you to show up differently, healthy and fully for yourself, others, life and love. We are accepting new clients. Contact us today (info@lovegrows.us).  Misha N Granado, MPH, MS

Dating Tip 6/6: Introduction

This dating series of love tips resulted from a discussion I recently had with college women who had various questions about dating which included where to meet eligible men. In other cultures, introductions are often utilized to connect people by people who know the individuals quite well. I am not sure why this practice is not used more often in our society. Within our social circles, we have great platonic friends who may be an awesome match for each other, however they have not met. This is where you can serve as a bridge and facilitate an introduction.

Perhaps the introduction can occur in a non-threatening way such as hosting a causal mixer at your house. Maybe everyone in your social circle can invite their single, platonic friends (equal number of men and women) and take the time to introduce them to the other guests. At Love Grows, we recommend true platonic friends (not exes) for the introductions to avoid uncomfortable spaces. However, it is possible for individuals to be emotionally mature as it pertains to their ex such that they are open and willing to facilitate an introduction. Of course this is ONLY possible if BOTH parties have truly closed the door on their #romantic space and have no desire to #reconnect.

There is also a sense of accountability when you introduce friends based on their friendship with you. Individuals may tend to take these spaces a bit more serious and or be more honest (i.e. not play mental-emotional games, not stringing him/her along, etc) because they do not want to risk ruining their friendship with you by treating your friend in a disrespectful, unkind manner. This sense of accountability, is similar to the accountability experienced in other cultures when family members serve as matchmakers.

Your role is to only make the introduction, you are not responsible for or is it healthy for you to become too involved in what transpires after the introduction. They are adults, respect their space. Allow them to move at their own pace. Do not pressure either side. If both or one decides there is no interest, chemistry or compatibility, that is okay. However, it is also quite possible unbeknownst to any of the parties involved, this simple introduction can be the beginning of a big love story and what an awesome toast you will be able to make at their wedding. All relationships begin with an introduction and you never know how the story will unfold. – Misha N. Granado, MPH, MS

Dating Tip 5/6: Be Open

Are you missing out on a potential great match because your list of ‘must have qualifications’ for you to EVEN CONSIDER accepting a Meet and Greet from a potential prospect is so narrow and specific that no one or perhaps only your Ex qualifies?

When you have not invested the time to heal your emotional wounds usually what happens is instead of learning and growing from your past experiences you become extremely controlling in attempts to avoid future heartache. As a result, you may:

• Say ‘No’ with lightning speed
• Create long lists of must haves
• Are distrusting which gives the air of being elite and non-approachable
• Interrogate potential prospects looking for the ‘Gotcha!’ to justify your ‘emotional walls’
• Expect an external entity to be responsible for your happiness, love, etc. instead of someone to expand it because it already dwells inside
• Make general broad statements about an entire group, based on your experience with a limited few 

When you do your work you discover a few things:

• You trust yourself to make the best decisions for you which empowers you and reduces the fear of being taken advantage of because you know you have the autonomy to walk away at any moment when a space is not healthy
• Everyone is on their own journey and oftentimes their poor behavior is not intentional but they have not done their work hence are emotionally immature
• You are responsible for your health and wellbeing on ALL levels
• You cannot force or fast track love, chemistry or compatibility
• There is a rhythm, ebb and flow to life and love and you are more aligned with them
• Your perspective changes as well as what you value and prioritize

At Love Grows we are advocates of doing your emotional work because a ‘healthy me space’ is vital for a ‘healthy we space’ and a healthy me space totally transforms your dating life. From a space of being emotionally healthy and mature you become open to meeting and dating the person who compliments you and you them. Your focus is now on quality and intangible qualities which may result in your big love presenting in a package that is different than the original image in your head. Perhaps your big love is a divorcee, has a child from a previous relationship, of a different race/nationality, slightly older or younger, slightly taller or shorter, etc. – Misha N. Granado, MPH, MS